No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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