??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Randomize
