ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Just pee around me
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
