I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
