Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
