She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
