Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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