Pregnant stripper...not hot.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
