haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
