In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
