Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
