Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
