so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
