I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Michael Bay diarrhea
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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