Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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