He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
