Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
