Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
