The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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