The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
