we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
