Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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