I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
