Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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