I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
