Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
