dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
