The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
