hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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