i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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