I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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