A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
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