I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
