Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I would fuck him just for his dog
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
