so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Dicks are not precious.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
