so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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