i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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