they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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