the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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