This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
