watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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