just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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