What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
