My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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