I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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