I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
