hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
