I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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