Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I just googled if crying burns calories
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
