i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
