D3 body, D1 cock
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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