So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
