I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
