dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
