My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
We got so high we made milksteak
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Randomize
