Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
