i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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