He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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