You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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