Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
