Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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