Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
