My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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