Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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