Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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