call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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