he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
no you cant smoke seaweed
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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