were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
