He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
